Tormented by Unprepentance

 ¹⁰Now it came about on the next day that ^(K)an evil spirit from God came mightily upon Saul, and ^(L)he raved in the midst of the house, while David was playing the harp with his hand, ^(M)as usual; and ^(N)a spear was in Saul's hand.
 ^11(O)Saul hurled the spear for he thought, "I will pin David to the wall." But David escaped from his presence twice.



1 Samuel 18:10-11


What I'm wrestling with here is the part that says "evil spirit from God."  Can evil come from God or does He allow it?  Could it be like in Job where God allowed things to happen but did not strike him Himself?  What's happening to Saul in this passage is that God's hand has come off him and onto David.  He's struggling with who knows what; his own guilt and regret maybe.  To the point where he's ravaging throughout the house... maybe like a madman.  In today's age he may have been looked at as a mental patient in a psycho ward or something.  In any case, he was struggling with some issues and blamed it all on David.  He failed to understand that it was his own actions that caused this torment.  But no matter what he did he could not seek out his revenge because God had him protected and he knew it.


How am I like Saul here?  I look back on my times of weakness where I'm sitting in the middle of a room totally discouraged and beaten.  I'm consumed by "evil spirits" or "demons" because there's a definite struggle within me.  I'm fighting it back and forth.  Before Christ, there would be no struggle, I'd go with what felt good at the time.  Now with Christ, the feelings of torment are still there but now there's a battle that God's fighting... and I'm in the way of victory.  I need to look at myself in these situations to acknowledge my failures and limitations.  Why are these things happening?  What sin have I committed?  How do I repent and draw back into God's grace?  I must realize good and bad will come into my life, some warranted and others allowed by God for a purpose beyond my understanding.  Everything that comes my way needs to glorify Him in heaven.


Father God, thank You for being an amazing Conductor of life and creation.  In times of distress I need to respond faithfully.  Then in my times with You in Spirit, I need to reflect on what did I do?  What's my choices?  How do I know what You want me to do?  Wait?  Move?  Pray more?  Whatever it is, it's only going to come as I spend time with You and ask these things.

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; 

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; 

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it; 

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life 

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Trusting in Him not Situations

 ³⁷And David said, "^(AM)The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine " And Saul said to David, "^(AN)Go, and may the LORD be with you."


1 Samuel 17:37


This statement was important to David, Saul and ultimately all Israel.  Looking back on his life it was clear God was preparing him for this moment.  He may have thought during these struggles with the lion and the bear that he was being attacked.  He may have even questioned God about why his life had so much adversity.  Hindsight is good but trusting God is magnificent!


I can definitely see how past experiences have shaped my life today.  Some for the better and some caused struggles and pain but they all contribute to who I am and where God's leading me.  "If I only did this or that" I would say whenever the picture came clear later on.  Without God, all we're doing is taking chances and betting on our outcomes.  Trusting God takes our focus on the event itself and on the One who controls the event.  With this attitude we can never be disappointed!


In this passage, trusting in the Lord is emphasized.  Saul put his kingdom's fate in the hands of a young stranger because he was at the end of line; he had no other choices to fight the giant.  If he had God's favor, he would've been able to lead Israel over the Philistines without problem.  David on the other hand didn't take any weapons other than what he came with... a sling and a stone.  Did he know a little stone was enough to defeat and kill the giant, probably not.  I don't think he really cared.  All he knew was that God was with him.  And what did the Lord do?  He provided the sword to slay the giant when he was down unconscious.  God's ways play out in creative and unexpected ways... we just need to trust that He's going to fill in the story.


Father God, thank You for blessing me with this day in age, with the people I'm doing life with, even with the so-called "challenges" I'm facing.  It's so beyond what's visible to the naked eye.  It's creative and wonderful, we cannot put restrictions on what God wants to do.  Help me to learn this trust.  Amen!

Give God a Transparent Heart

"Has the LORD as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
As in obeying the voice of the LORD?
Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,
And to heed than the fat of rams.

1 Samuel 15:22

Saul was instructed by the Lord to utterly destroy the Amalekites and everything in that kingdom; nothing was to be spared. But Saul decided to keep Agag alive as well as some choice animals. He tried to justify his disobedience by saying it was because the people pressured him and he was gonna offer it as a sacrifice to God. God could see right through his lies and began to strip the kingdom from his hands. God knows the motives of our hearts so #1: dint sin and #2: repent when you do. Don't try to cover up transgressions because sin snowballs into something great.

I've covered up sin with sin many times. It's like tons of movies and tv shows, one mistake is covered up and covered up and before you know it there's this huge problem... but all it took was someone to come clean, to right what was wrong. This is the blueprint since God creation began, living in accordance to His will.

Lord God, teach me to obey. I want my life to be in tune to Your heart. I want to conduct my life in a way that makes You proud. I know I'll still have earthly desires and internal struggles will continue until the day You give me a new body but I choose You throught the conflicts. Thank You for Your amazing Holy Spirit which enables each and every one if us to do so. Love You, Daddy! Amen!

Examining Ourselves

 ^5(M)Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; ^(N)examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you--unless indeed you ^(O)fail the test?
 ⁶But I trust that you will realize that we ourselves do not fail the test.



2 Corinthians 13:5-6


Sometimes when I read the New Testament broken in pieces I get the feeling that scripture becomes watered down, only the rosey flowers are show in bloom. But when I read the scripture in context I get the true urgency.  In the passage, I get the sense that Paul is almost falling out of his pants!  He's going back to Corinth for the 3rd time and he said that "I will not spare anyone..."  He means business.  Yes, he closes the section with lots of love and grace but the meat of the message is... get your act together, EXAMINE YOURSELVES!!!  Don't fail the test of faith!


In this watered down day in age of Christianity I'm a little concerned that most of us will fail this faith test.  We know salvation isn't based off our performance but on His sacrifice.  And this gift is freely given to those who believe.  So the underlining question is... what does it mean to believe?  Does the line go beyond just proclaiming our faith?  Or is faith and believing two different things?  Can we really want to believe with all our minds but our heart prevents us from allowing the Holy Spirit in?


Examining ourselves should be a daily process.  Some days I believe we'll fair better than others but we can't lose momentum.  We need to strive towards God and if that means momentary lapse of heart we need to take all of that in stride.  We are not perfect and cannot allow mistakes to drive us away from all that He is.  


So part of examining ourselves is checking our motives, wants, desires, sinfulness, successes, failures... looking at every single thing we do and ask the question, does God approve?  Would Jesus do this?  How am I honoring God?  Or am I just feeding my selfishness?  Examining ourselves keeps us headed in the right direction, not if we arrived.


Father God, thank You for being my cloud by day and pillar by night.  I need You in every way to guide my every step.  I don't want to wander around in darkness like I used to.  Light my every step, Lord.  In the most wonderful name of Christ Jesus I pray, Amen!

Content in the Waiting

13Samuel said to Saul, "You have acted foolishly; you have not kept the commandment of the LORD your God, which He commanded you, for now the LORD would have established your kingdom over Israel forever.

14"But now your kingdom shall not endure The LORD has sought out for Himself a man after His own heart, and the LORD has appointed him as ruler over His people, because you have not kept what the LORD commanded you."

1 Samuel 13:13-14

Samuel told Saul to wait seven days for his return then he will offer the burnt offering. But Saul's faith lasted until time ran out on that 7th day then he took matters into his own hands. He looked at his depleating army as the source of his strength instead of God and that caused him his kingdom. Even though it may seem as though God's promises are late, His timing is perfect and according to His will; it may be a test of our faith with rewards or consequences.

I had to look this scripture up because I struggled to find why Saul's disobedience was so great. God pointed me in the right direction and I now know the lesson here, God is never late! Is this the reason why He never gives us dates? Because we'll fail the tests too often and our heart will become descouraged? God wants us to be faithful but all within His design.

The biggest struggle I face now is having a family. We want to have a baby so much that I feel like I'm running out of time. I see others having their 2nd and 3rd but we can even have one. Yes, God knows I get discouraged and He knows my struggles buy this scripture is telling me flat-out, His timing and will is perfect! If it doesn't happen right away I cannot allow that to pull me off track. It could very well be that He has other great plans for me, Mihelle before.. Or maybe much later. We cannot understand, we just need to be content in the waiting.

Father God, thank You for blessing each person in history abundantly; even those who never realized Your hand. I can (or cannot) see now that being comfortable and content in the waiting times will be something each and evey one of us will need to develop. Continue to peel away the scales of my heart and eyes. In the mighty name of Christ Jesus I pray, amen!

Doing What I'm Told

13But we will not boast beyond our measure, but within the measure of the sphere which God apportioned to us as a measure, to reach even as far as you.

14For we are not overextending ourselves, as if we did not reach to you, for we were the first to come even as far as you in the gospel of Christ;

2 Corunthians 10:13-14

We won't be accountable for the work that needs to be done, we'll be accountable for doing the work God called us to do. If we go on missions, provide help for millions but fail to take care our family's needs, we have failed. When we delay in God's works because we're trying to plan every single detail instead of stepping out in faith without hesitation, we fail. God wants us to do according to His desires so that our boasts are in Him.

I try to go way beyond my calling. I think too much and that reveals my selfishness. In my marriage, I'm thinking of how u can do this or that but what God instructs is for me to love my wife. In ministry I try to perfect all notes and harmonies but He just wants me to lead in heart worship. In my small group I look to having every fact straight instead of hearing what others are saying. I need to be preppared but free to allow God's Spirit to flow.

Thank You Jesus for being a God that frees us from anxiety and counter-productivity. You want us to move when called and I pray I'm getting more obedient day by day. Love You Daddy! Amen!